culture shock

Being the responsible adults that we are, the paramour and I went to get blood tests to preclude any STDs.

HIV/AIDS isn't a huge problem here - I think the rate is about twice that in the U.S. Which, of course, is a risk anywhere. I think the paramour has been careful and is not in a high-risk category, but, well, you know. Let's be responsible adults.

He arranged a visit at a clinic where he used to work. All good, right?

It was sketchy. The place we went was an auxiliary clinic where they only deal with eye disorders. But we waited there and I met people, and then the head of the real lab came over. He had stashed vials and gloves in his pockets. The glove was used to tie around my arm as a torniquet, and there was no alcohol swab. The bathroom where we secretly did this deed reminded me too much of the public restrooms in Bahnhof Zoo in Berlin, where too many people died of heroin overdoses. Yes, that's the needle stick I expected.

I will say this: of all the many blood tests I've had in my life, this was the least painful.

But then he handed me a test-tube for a urine test. Excuse me? You want me to pee in a test tube, not a cup. In a bathroom with no water so there's no wash-up.

Of course I was so uncomfortable with the whole shadowy aspects anyway that there was no way I could pee. Even the malaria-ridden mosquitoes mocked me.

I finally got out a few drops into the tube and he said it was sufficient.

They tested the paramour, we hid our pricked elbows, and out we went. He said the test results would be available in a couple of hours and the paramour should call him. I gave the paramour $40 to pay him for all this off-the-books work.

The reality is that I am completely dependent upon everybody's word. Will he really run those tests? If I did not trust the paramour, I'd worry that I wouldn't be getting the truth.

When I bought that travel container of tissues from Trader Joe's so long ago, THIS is not how I expected they would be used.

The paramour tells me that impatient I should appreciate this aspect of Liberia, that I can pay more to get better service - and the truth is that the last time I did these tests, it was at Planned Parenthood and even with an appointment it killed my whole afternoon and then it was a hassle to get results and I had to wait weeks.

And I can handle the cultural differences with food and handshakes and humor. I can jostle through a busy crowd and I can drive the busy streets.

But this?

I just don't know about this.